Dad

A few weeks ago I stood beside my father as he took his last breath in this life.  I watched as my mother comforted him.  She stood beside him as she always has; watchful, caring, supportive – faithful to the end.  My father had been ill for many years and confined to a hospital bed at home for the last two years.   It was a long protracted illness and I have no doubt that he is in a better place now.

 

Still, you cannot experience death without reflecting on your own mortality.  I have also thought a great deal about my father and his legacy.  Some years ago he wrote his memoirs, typing them out with two fingers on an old typewriter.  He wrote of his childhood, his family, his experiences in boy scouts and high school.  He wrote of his time in the army, stationed in Italy as World War II drew to a close.  He chronicled the changes in the world of medicine over the last forty years or so and he reflected on his love for my mother.

 

Lately, I have been thinking about what I learned from my father and wondering also how my boys will one day remember me.  I learned from my Dad to live by convictions.  His convictions defined him and formed the basis of his character.  His decisions were always based on his deeply held convictions and approval or disapproval of others wasn’t really a factor.  I learned from my Dad that the material things of this world really aren’t all that important.   He once said that he drove the car he did to keep us all humble.  It did.   I learned from my Dad to face forward and waste no time on regrets.  He taught me that I don’t always have to agree with someone to value their friendship.  He taught me that a sense of humor is a virtue and that I should treat all people with respect.  I learned from my Dad that it is better to serve than to be served.  He instilled in me a love for learning and a strong work ethic.  He taught me the value of family.

 

I hold no illusions that my Dad was perfect.  In fact, he made little attempt to hide his flaws and as a result I’ve learned from those too.  I can only strive and hope to leave so strong a legacy, to be as positive an influence on my children as he was on me.

On the Border

Last week was Spring Break for my boys and with a whole week off they were ready to get out of town and as far away from school as possible.  We took the opportunity to participate in a trip sponsored by our church to go to Matamoros, Mexico.  We took a total of 87 people and worked in four different churches.  We held Bible Clubs for the kids at three churches and a construction crew did work at two churches.  It was a little over 16 hours each way on the bus and we put in some long days while we were there. 

The first reaction of many when I tell them about our Spring Break is, “Wow, I’ll bet your kids were disappointed.”  The implication being that they would have been much happier to go skiing or hang out at the beach or sit at home playing video games.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  They all had a great time and learned more than I could have hoped for. 

My youngest son, age 11, during the trip, commented that at first it felt strange to be in Mexico.  But when he started playing soccer with the kids he said that he forgot where he was and it felt like he was just playing with kids in his own neighborhood.  I asked my oldest son, age 15, what he learned.  He said that it really hit him how little you need to be happy and how much we have that we take for granted.   

All three of my boys said they had a great time.  They enjoyed the people, the food, the work and the fellowship with the group that we travelled with.  And it wasn’t just my kids.  Everyone I spoke with on the trip had a good time. 

So I want you to think about this.  If you could take your kids on a trip where they had a great time and learned to appreciate a different culture, that friendships can easily transcend culture and class, that material possessions are not a source of happiness, that we should be much more grateful and also improved their work ethic, wouldn’t that be a better investment than just entertaining them for a week? 

RoadTripping

Have you ever noticed when driving down the highway that the closer things are to you, the harder they are to bring in to focus.  Those things on the horizon are easy to focus on. But the wildflowers 10 ft from you were just a blur.  To be sure, you can bring into focus that car travelling beside you which is also moving down the road at 70mph.  However, most of those things closest to us, at any given moment, are almost impossible to see for what they really are. 

I’m sure you’ve noticed it.  You’ve probably also realized that it doesn’t really cause you any problems.  You can still see clearly where you are going and there is really very little need to focus on objects particularly close to you.  In fact, that isn’t a particularly safe way to drive and I highly recommend against trying it on the interstate. 

On the other hand, if you are living life that way it may be time to reconsider.  If you are focused intently on arriving at someplace you’ve never been before but are certain is better than where you are now, and unable to focus on those things closest to you, it may be time to slow down.  

I am learning more and more that life is a journey to be enjoyed along the way.  I’ve also been in business long enough and watched enough NASCAR to realize that those driving the fastest are really just going in circles.  At least the NASCAR drivers know it.  Too many others won’t figure it out until they have run out of gas. 

Disagreeing, Agreeably

There are times when I enjoy a good argument.  Not always, and not just any argument – a good argument.  Those are hard to come by these days.  Oh sure, there are plenty of opportunities to argue but I’m afraid the art of a good argument is almost lost.  So, you may ask, what constitutes a good argument.  Well, I’m glad you asked. 

First, there must be a healthy dose of respect for your opponent.  By that measure alone, it has been some time since I’ve witnessed a good argument.  It seems that the Us vs. Them mentality has reached unprecedented levels.  We of course are the ones in the right; the keepers of all that is good and just.  They are the source of every ill that has befallen our society.  It wasn’t always like that but, let’s be honest – They started it.

The problem is that when you begin by vilifying your opponent and thus stake out a position of self-righteousness, you can be fairly sure that no good will come of the argument.  It has now become a classic battle of Good vs. Evil.  In this case, there can be no compromise, no acknowledgment of the validity of your opponent’s position and ultimately no point to the argument – except to further rally the righteous Us in our cause against the evil Them.

Second, there must be some recognition that you could be wrong about something.  As with most things in life, a touch of humility goes a long way.  If you listen to what your opponent is actually saying as opposed to just waiting to make your next point, it’s possible that you could even learn something.  I must admit, I’ve approached more than a few arguments with unbridled arrogance.  And I’ve usually come to regret it.

The fact is that most people approach an argument holding on to bits and pieces of truth around which they form a flawed position based on an incomplete perspective.  That does not negate the truths with which they began – truths which their opponent likely does not fully grasp.

Third, the objective of the argument shouldn’t be to win.  Nor should it be to ensure that your opponent loses.  The objective should be to find a new and better position to stand on.  It may not be the same position that your opponent ultimately lands on but if you have both come to a better understanding and a new position then it was probably a good argument.

Finally, if you can’t come to a new and better position it must be okay to disagree without vilifying your opponent.  I once worked in a large organization for a man who told me that if we agreed about everything, the company wouldn’t need both of us.  I’ve also worked for people with the exact opposite perspective.  I personally find the former to be a much more productive environment than the latter.  If we all thought alike, there would be no occasion for a good argument.  Did I mention that I enjoy a good argument?

Of course, if you disagree with me, I’d love to hear your comments – even if you are wrong.

Where’s the Value?

Some years ago I was working at AT&T Power Systems, a division of AT&T that designed, manufactured and marketed electronic power modules and systems for a variety of applications.   A few years after I left, that division was sold to Tyco for $2.5B.  Just recently it was announced that Tyco was selling it for $100M – just 4% of what they had paid not too many years before.

So where did all that value go?

I think there are two important lessons here.  First, as a general rule, people aren’t very good at ascribing value.  It could well be argued that Tyco overpaid when they bought and sold too cheap.   To be sure, the organization lost value but that loss of value is likely greatly exaggerated by poor valuations on either end of the deal.

I just recently went through an exercise with a friend of mine trying to determine the value of his company.  That’s not an easy task and there are lots of assumptions and guesses on top of which you add a few fudge factors to come up with a range.  Hopefully I was more helpful than Tyco’s advisors – but that wouldn’t exactly be high praise.

The fact is, value is hard to define.  However, the reason that we have a hard time defining the value of something is that (and here is the second important lesson) we often don’t understand where the real value is located.

At AT&T Power Systems, I worked with some of the sharpest people I have ever worked with in my career.   By the time Tyco took control, or at least shortly thereafter, a large number of those people had decided to move on.  Some went to competitors; others started their own businesses within the industry.  Still others left the industry for greener pastures.

The value of the company wasn’t in the assets.  In fact, some of those assets (like the mostly empty million square foot factory in Texas) have become large liabilities.  The value wasn’t in the products as many of those are now obsolete.  The value was in the people who defined, designed, produced and sold the products and services the company offered.  It was clear early on that Tyco ascribed little value to these people and thus many of the key employees decided to demonstrate their value elsewhere.  It seems as if the new management welcomed this exodus as further cost reduction and yet another way to enhance profit.

So I find myself pondering – while it is easy enough to see the folly in Tyco’s foray into this industry, how do I apply those lessons.  When I account for my own personal wealth do I look at the people in my life as an expense to be minimized or as the only investment that will ultimately produce value?     Hmmm.   Let’s just say it’s more fun to point out the folly of others.    I mean, what are those folks at Alcatel-Lucent thinking?  And how ‘bout those Cornhuskers?

The Journey is the Reward

Recently I attended a Court of Honor for my oldest son’s Boy Scout troop.  It’s a great troop with super kids and wonderful leadership.  At this particular court of honor they handed out over 300 recognitions for merit badges, achievements and rank advancements.  However, in addition to the general Court of Honor there was also a special Eagle Court of Honor in which one young man was awarded the rank of Eagle Scout – Scouting’s highest rank.

The young man being recognized for his attainment of the Eagle Scout rank spoke briefly.  The key point to his brief speech was that the reward was not in the achievement of Eagle, the reward was the journey itself.  Sage wisdom indeed – and at such an early age.  If only more of us could recognize, and remember, that truth.  The reward is truly in the journey.

Raising three young boys I can’t begin to count the number of times I have heard, “Are we there yet?” or “How much longer” or “I can’t wait until…”  To be sure, it isn’t just my sons.  I’ve caught myself uttering, or at least contemplating these same sentiments.  It is often my wife who reminds us all, “Don’t wish away the time, it’s passing quickly enough.”

It was once suggested to me to fill in the following blank:  I would be happy if ____________.  I was then informed that regardless of what I put in that blank it very likely revealed a fallacy in my thinking.  That’s because contentment isn’t earned, it’s learned.  Sheryl Crow in her hit song Soak Up the Sun sings these words, “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.”  While I am not holding her up as one of the great philosophers of our generation, these words certainly ring true.

Think carefully about this statement: If you are not enjoying the journey, there is little reason to believe you will find contentment at your destination.  So slow down, look around and enjoy the present.  You’ll be someplace else soon enough.

Life is Short

Sure I’ve heard it plenty of times.  These last few months it has just really begun to sink in.  Life is SHORT.  I’m now closer to 70 than I am to my freshman year in college.

For the last few years I’ve been travelling.  Travelling too much at the expense of my family.  When I started this particular job my oldest boy was in first grade.  Last week he started high school.  Wow – that went quick.  Not too many more years left with him at home.  Same for my other two boys.  Sure I love them – and they know it.  But nothing replaces time spent with them.

So, back in May I resigned.   I took the summer off and spent it with my family.  Wasn’t too good for cashflow but undoubtedly one of the best investments I’ve ever made.  I don’t have to worry about this investment depreciating over time.

 I rediscovered the joy of fishing with my youngest, went camping with my oldest and took the middle guy on a father-son trip for his 13th birthday.  Got a few projects done around the house and spent some time with my wife too. 

 There is a plaque on my desk.  It is titled Priorities and it reads, “A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove…  But the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”  I’ve read it plenty of times.  I even believe it.  It’s just sometimes hard to manage priorities in the midst of a busy schedule.

 Spend some time thinking about your time portfolio.  Is it appreciating or depreciating.

 Well the boys are back in school now.  So I guess it’s time for me to get back to work too.  I just hope someone asks me about MY summer vacation.